But what?
First, some words of ancient wisdom from Clarissa Pinkola Estes - "Women Who Run With The Wolves"
"Sometimes a woman is afraid to be without security or certainity, for even a short time. She has more excuses than dogs have hairs. She must simply just dive in and stand not knowing what will happen next. It is the only thing which will retrieve her intuitive nature"
I want a homebirth but... - a similar page to this one with more excuses.
My husband / boyfriend / partner / family member / friend...
Birth is the woman's domain, women's business. Only the birthing woman can possibly know what is going on within her. The birth process is about the woman for it is only her who knows intuitively, the best way to bring her baby into the world.
Interference with this ability and right of women is folly because it is her who will be doing the birthing. Women heed your needs. To compromise on your birth is to compromise on your baby's birth as well.
When it is your husband saying no, it is up to you to put your foot down and say yes. Ideally, it is good to have your husband's support but if it comes down to it, you need to stand up and say "This is how it is going to be" and reclaim your body and birth. If women are to be strong and true to their wildish natures, they need to trust too that their men are strong enough to stand being challenged.
My mother...
Our mothers voices can be very powerful indeed. They were the women who went before us. They have the voice of experience. They have the wisdom of age. But do they have the bridges to their intuitive selves in good repair? Did they pass the gift of trust and verification of women's intuitive nature on to you?
Most importantly of all, is their truth really yours? It is okay if it is not. Make sure they know it is not a personal affront to them from you if you choose to do things differently to what they did.
My Dr said subsequent births had to be Caesareans...
Not so. Just because your previous birth ended up in a caesarean operation and your doctor told you so doesn't make the myth "Once a caesaren, always a caesarean" true.
Giving Birth After Caesarean & The Integrity of Casearean Scars
I don't have any support...
Food for thought - Why do you need support? Do you really need it? What can you do to get that support? If it comes down to it, you can do it without support if necessary. It may not be ideal for you personally but know that all you need to give birth is yourself and that your wild woman within is with you every step of the way.
There is a lot of online support from women who have been there, done that on our unassisted childbirth forums.
I'm not brave enough...
If you feel safe in a hospital where statistically it's clear you are not safe, then you really need to search yourself for why you'd consider it to be so. Are you really saying that you feel safest where other people are in control of your space and your body?
Do you think its a question of bravery to take control of your own space and body and birth the way you feel is best? Many freebirthers see it the other way around - that it is the brave woman who births in an environment that works against normal, physiological birth.
What if something goes wrong...?
What scenarios are you concerned about? Have you researched them yet and discovered why they happen, and how they are handled medically, physiologically, alternatively?
In childbirth, if there is nobody in authority to look to for assistance or to confirm in what they are doing, women turn inwards to their primal nature for help. Their bodies already know what to do. It is simply a matter of doing what they feel is right and if a problem arises, women will find themselves doing instinctually what is necessary. Nothing more, and nothing less.
To reassure the conscious mind, many women do a lot of research, birth preparation and positive visualisation. However, when their time comes, they often find themselves acting in an instinctual way rather than consciously thinking of what to do.
It is a highly irresponsible and risky thing to do
Far from it! You are accepting full responsibility and accountability for your choices. It is not responsible to give over control to someone else because they are not the ones who will suffer if something goes wrong.
As for risk, if you are free to follow your instincts in labour and birth, you are more likely to avoid potential problems. Without anyone to tell you what to do, you are less likely to change into positions that aren't ideal for you or do things that go against the flow of labour.
Also in avoiding distractions and fully submerging yourself into your body, birth and instinctive nature, you are more likely to be aware when something is seriously wrong and the right course of action to take for the specific situation.
It is selfish / in my best interests not my baby's...
Childbirth is about both the mother and her baby. To say it is solely for the baby and about birthing a healthy, safe baby is a crock. Mothers are not selfish to desire deep down to their bones, an unhindered freebirth.
If mothers want to birth their way, and do what they feel is right and best for themselves to be able to birth their babies in the easiest and safest possible way - chances are they have had experiences that have shown them their inner truths about childbirth.
It is ridiculous to insinuate that a woman is selfish for insisting on the birth she wants. It is the woman after all who is doing the birthing - how selfish is it to put your own desires or worries onto the pregnant woman to force her to compromise on her birth and her baby's safety? Remember that supporting and meeting the needs of the pregnant mother or birthing mother is the same as looking after the baby.
Threats of DOCS reporting & children taken away
The Department of Child Safety will not take your children away solely because of your birthing choice or for having an unassisted childbirth. To do so would intrude terribly on your rights to birth choice and to accept or decline health care, decide your place of birth and who is present during your birth.
DOCS Policy and Freebirth for more information.
My doctor said it was too dangerous / I am high risk...
Pregnancy and birth are normal states for a woman to be in.
A number of commonly perceived "high risk" situations are either iatrogenic in nature or can be managed without technology which can have dangerous side effects.
One of the largest influencing factors in having safe births is the preparation for birth - proper nutrition, knowledge, lifestyle, uterus toning, mental state, emotional state etc. By doing birth preparation, many problems can be avoided or managed before they become serious enough to warrant medical assistance.
I wouldn't know what to do in an emergency...
You may not know (consciously) but you would KNOW. Women have thousands of years of birthing knowledge imprinted in their bodies. Every woman has a wild woman within, a primal self.
This sort of knowing will make itself available to you at the right moment as it is needed. It causes women to act in a primal human way, to take the necessary steps to avoid a complication or to handle a problem in birth.
That said, many women consciously take the steps to educate themselves on childbirth situations and how they are handled in different models of health care.
Emergency Situations - Identifying and Responding
Hospital Backup Plans
I need pain relief...
There are many ways to cope with pain at home. Many women have found birthing at home to be less painful than birthing in an environment where they are seen as being a victim to the birth process and offered pain relieving drugs rather than support and reassurance.
How humans percieve pain is different within each individual, but the common consenus seems to be that if you are in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable environment, being in pain is harder to deal with.
Options for Pain Relief, Naturally & Painless Childbirth
I don't want to clean up the mess...
If you are concerned about the mess, you could invite a friend over afterwards or make your husband clean it up! Most women find that there is little blood or fluid in a freebirth.
Old towels and sheets can be used to birth on, and afterwards they can just be thrown into the washing machine on cold wash.
I want a holiday in hospital
Much as it may sound like you'll have your meals delivered and not have to clean anything, hospitals are rarely restful places.
Even if you are fortunate enough to not share a room with other postpartum or labouring women, shift changes, constant staff movement, early rising, women arriving or leaving at any time all mean that you won't really rest at all.
There is also the matter of not having your own comfortable bed to sleep or rest in. Being at home allows you to get settled into your life with your new family addition quicker than if you were at hospital.
I'd have to take the baby to get checked out anyway
You don't have to do this unless you have a reason to think there is a problem with your baby. In any case, a well-baby checkup can wait a week or so if you feel it is necessary to get your baby checked out.
As the mother of your baby, you are more than qualified to judge if your baby is sick or not as you will come to know what is usual behaviour for your baby and what is not. Like childbirth, your intuitive nature is at your disposal in child rearing.
