Wow, I’m going to be a Mum.  The emotions are so strong, the fear, the anxiety, the anticipation, the excitement.  Who is the little being that is going to become such a big part of our lives?  Will I instantly love you?  Can I ensure I won’t pass on family baggage to you?  Am I ready to be a full time parent?  
 
These are all the things that went through my head when we first found out we were expecting our first child.  I had always imagined that my children would be planned, this was not to be the case. 

I guess I had a phobia about unplanned pregnancies as my sisters and I were all unplanned, my parents had a terrible marriage and stayed together for us kids sake, believe me, I would have preferred they divorced but that’s a whole other story. 

Anyway I guess I had subconsciously talked myself into the belief that if I fell pregnant unplanned, this would somehow make my marriage turn out like my parents.

I knew this was something I had to work through with Tony and we did.  We had been together for 9 years, we are best friends, there is nothing that can break that. We worked through my issues during the pregnancy and by the time our baby was due I felt I had faced all my fears.

It’s the same old story, we’re not quite financially secure yet, we’ll wait a few more years,  I was 28 and a few more years were adding up.  This baby came when we were ready even though we didn’t know it. 

If it had been up to us I think we would have just kept putting it off and then we would have realised that we were too old to have kids.
It’s funny how life works.  Sometimes it just slaps you in the face and says “Wake up!”

Yay! I’m going to be Mum,  this is going to be my child, my responsibility.  I’m ready!

We had decided early in the pregnancy that we were going to have an Unassisted  Homebirth, we chose this for various reasons. 

I then set out to learn all I could about birth.  I think I cleaned the library out of pregnancy and birth books,  I couldn’t get enough.  I was constantly on the internet every chance I had.  I rang different places trying to source any other information and that is how I came across the Home Midwifery Association. 

We started going to support group which is where we found out about Lotus Birth, it was through a discussion one day with Sarah Buckley which led me to read the book “Lotus Birth” compiled by Shivam Rachana.  Both Tony and I agreed that we were going to have a Lotus birth.  It also saved us having to organise how we were going to cut and clamp a cord on our own.

It was a real battle through the pregnancy not to take on everyone’s fear of homebirth.

But I truly believe that as a woman I can do this.  I have faith in my body, I have faith in my intuition, I have faith that women are made to give birth and that’s what I’m going to do.  We also had back up plans so that if at anytime during the labour I felt that there was something wrong, we could get help.

We were ready.

I worked right through the pregnancy which was hard but at the same time kept my fitness up as Tony would drop me off on the way home and I would walk for about ½ hour a day.

Wednesday 28th Aug 2002,  baby is due approx 15th Sep but I felt it would come early so I was not surprised when I woke up early Thursday morning 12.30am with waters broken in bed,  I had worked all day, and then been at a craft night so I did not get to bed until 11.00 pm.  

I had some back pain and some of the mucus plug was starting to come out.  I woke Tony and we changed the bed.  I was so tired, I was just lying in bed saying please don’t come now I’m too tired, you can come in the morning.  I went back to sleep.

In the morning Tony went to work to tidy up a few loose ends but was back by lunch time.  We waited, nothing is happening.  I’m starting to get worried now. 
I’m on the internet again,  what should we do? Wait longer or get some help? 

We decided to wait 36 hrs from when my waters broke, they say the max is 48 hrs due to risk of infection but we were informed afterwards that the hospitals policy is 12 hrs lucky we weren’t in hospital.

Went to bed around 11.00pm,  lay there trying to get to sleep.  Got up and went to the toilet,  thought my dinner hadn’t agreed with me.

Went back to bed.

Started getting pains around 11.40pm Friday night, thought it was just wind,  they started getting stronger, so I got up 11.50pm Starting timing contractions 1 ½ minutes apart.

Paced around our office for approx 20 mins and then thought  O.K  I’m definitely in labour now,  went around the house and lit candles.  I’m ready, I’m not scared and I have total faith in my body.

Woke Tony up around 1am,  Pool was already set up in lounge so we starting filling that up.

Paced up and down the hallway, for most of the labour and walked through the contractions.

I hopped in the pool with the hose on back, didn’t stay in there long, Tony suggested I get out and walk around some more.  I found walking helped me cope with the pain and bring on the contractions.

By about 2 ½ hours into the labour I hardly had any time between contractions and was finding it hard to get a descent breath as I had to take lots of little breaths.

Around 2.30am I was starting to get the urge to push, I just ended up in our bedroom holding onto to the steel frame at the foot of our bed, this was just right for squatting and gave me the solid frame I needed to pull myself up on. 

Tony was great, he constantly reminded me to drink water and followed me around.  At around 2.45am I started pushing with every contraction,  at some stage I felt the baby wasn’t moving so I stood up and rotated my hips until the contraction had built up so much that I had to squat and push,  this worked beautifully and within minutes the baby was moving.

I hadn’t lit any candles in the bedroom so it was darker in there, Tony had a candle and a mirror so he could see what was happening down there (it wasn’t until afterwards that I  thought it must have been hard for him to see down there with a candle trying not to burn my bum)  

I had a slight burning sensation and asked Tony if the baby was crowning he said no and I realized that this must have been the sensation of the baby moving into the birth canal.  Tony kept me informed as Regan was crowning,  he tried to show me in the mirror but I was too busy concentrating on getting this baby out.  The worst pain I had was when he was crowning and I held myself to help with the pain. 

Tony was saying how weird and amazing it was, as our baby’s face emerged, I would love to have seen it from Tony’s view. 
I birthed the head, then shoulder, then he just slipped out into his daddy’s hands.  3.10am 30th August 2002.   I looked down to see our baby, just as I saw him Tony said “it’s a boy” we were both quite shocked as we thought the baby would be a girl, but he was a boy, a beautiful perfect little boy.

We did it, 3 ½  hour labour, we had a little boy. 

I held the baby and moved onto the bed, I tried to attach him to the breast but he was very tired and showed no interest.  Within minutes I felt the placenta coming so I stood up next to the bed, I placed the baby on the bed with cord still attached and the placenta came shooting out, Tony only just caught it in the bucket,  blood splattered everywhere, it must have looked like a murder scene. 

We placed the placenta into a sieve that rested over the bucket,  and I moved onto the bed again with baby and placenta.  Baby still wasn’t interested in feeding,  I was getting cold now, and starting to shake so Tony suggested I go and have a shower. 

I cleaned up and then came back to bed.  The baby still wasn’t interested in feeding so we decided to get some sleep, we placed him and his placenta between us in bed and went to sleep.

In the morning we woke and tried feeding him again,  he was still very tired and just wanted to sleep.  We rang a midwife to come around and check him out. 

After trying for sometime to get him to feed she made a phone call to another midwife who said to express the colostrum onto a teaspoon for him and to give him boiled water with honey.  We did this for two days while trying to establish breastfeeding,  he just wanted to sleep all the time. 

On the third day I managed to get him to feed for 10 mins, I was overjoyed,  he was on his way.

On the second day we named our little boy, Regan Anthony White.
The placenta stayed in the sieve for 24 hrs then we washed the blood clots off and placed it on some cloth nappies and aired it for several hours before we salted and wrapped it up in cloth nappies. 

The salt is to stop the smell and helps dehydrate the placenta, we did not salt the placenta until the cord had dried up so there was no chance of the salt traveling up into Regan.  We salted the placenta and changed the nappies it was wrapped up in twice a day.

 We were amazed at this life giving organ.  It is like a city, with highways of veins,  truly amazing.  We handled it with care and love for this thing was dying, it had done it’s job and now it was passing on.

Everyday for approx 10-15 mins we would lay Regan and his placenta in the sun that came through our bedroom window,  the cord dried up very quickly. 

We kept Regan wrapped in blankets and cloth nappies while his placenta was attached, it just didn’t feel right to put clothes on him.  He did not move from the bed for 2 days, on the third day we took him outside for a while to get some fresh air and some direct sunlight.

It was difficult to move him into feeding position once the cord had dried up as it pulled on him and we were worried it was hurting him,  but he never cried.  On the third day, you could really see the cord starting to come away and at 4 pm on Monday he dropped his cord.  I was so proud of my little boy,  it had only been 3 ½ days and he was free, he let go of his placenta when he was ready. 

We put the placenta in the freezer. When Regan was 9 mths old we took the placenta to New Zealand and buried it on my fathers farm with a Kowhai tree.  We wanted to take the placenta to New Zealand so that he has a connection with the country his parents were raised in. 

We felt sad leaving his placenta behind but we know that we treated it with love & respect and will always have a reminder of our sons life giving placenta when we see that Kowhai tree in bloom with the Tui’s feeding off it’s beautiful yellow flowers.

We were truly blessed with a beautiful birth that we did on our own, it was empowering and satisfying. 

We loved the lotus birth and have since had our second child Genevieve born on March 18th which was also a Lotus Birth.

I recommend Lotus birth to anyone who is wanting a no trauma birth,  we truly believe that this way of birthing is gentle and allows the baby to choose when they want to let go of their life giving placenta. 

It also forces you to be calm, quiet and gentle during those first few days of their lives, it eases them into life.
I would also like to note that we do not recommend an unassisted homebirth to anyone, it was right for us at the time and should we have needed help we would have sought it immediately.